Seeking a Fit for The End of The World
Excuse the shamelessly clickbait-y title. I thought about what some freelance shlock-shoveler at GQ might title a similar article and figured: why should they get all the easy clicks? The simple fact of the matter is that I’m cooler and have better taste than the average GQ invertebrate, anyway.
But I digress. The world outside is collapsing. You’re trapped in your home. You’re not trapped reading this, but you definitely have nothing better to do. You know the basics of what to wear inside— the sweatshirts, the comfy socks— you know how to be comfortable. I’m here to talk to you about the other forms of functionality in these odd times.
Painter pants
You’ve gotta have pants. If you’re like me, sweatpants are far too informal, even for chilling at home. White painter pants provide a ray of sunshine in the rainstorm that is a plummeting stock market and crumbling society. Double fronts are perfect for when you have no other option but to kneel and beg for mercy from whatever deity you prefer. It’s like the hammer loop was made for hanging those goofy little soccer mom Purell bottles that suddenly make a lot of sense. Want that archive style of being covered in paint? You’re stuck inside; watch some Bob Ross videos and learn!
Chore Jacket
Ah yes, the iconic Bleu de Travail, something I wanted for a long time and have finally purchased. The jacket is light enough to loaf about indoors and the casual style is perfect to wear with whatever you choose to quarantine in. The large pockets are great for hauling about the phone, peanuts, earbuds, water, and everything else I will be keeping on me as I move from desk to couch to bed and back again for the coming weeks. Buy vintage to get that perfect worn in comfort.
Snow Peak FR 3L
Yes, there will be a few brand-specific items on this list. When you run out of bagel bites and need to go to the grocery store, you want to be bundled up looking like a hazmat. The 3L design from Snow Peak is not only resistant to rain, but also bodily spew when some sicko coughs on you (don’t sue me if you get sick reading this). The hand pockets are spacious enough to fit both your hands and probably a small handgun (for the prepper type). And apparently the version currently available is fireproof, which is cool.
Mules
It’s no secret that we here at JTTB are big fans of clogs/mules. Especially when you’re going to be trapped inside, it’s great to have that perfect slip-on shoe for sitting on the couch and maybe taking out the recycling. The pair pictured above are my favorites from Foot the Coacher, but anything gets the job done— Birkenstocks, Crocs, Gucci, Brooks Brothers, etc.
Bug Out Bag
Fuck it, you probably won’t need to bug out to that half acre in Arkansas that you’re considering spending your student loan on, but we’re going to be ready just in case. You need a bag. You don’t need some prepper bullshit military pack with 12 rows of MOLLE webbing. You need a simple, easy to use bag that is big enough to carry a decent number of clothes and possibly an AR-15. This Topo Designs one is pretty good— durable, no frills, easy on the eyes.
