Ask Chris Black: Sweat, Scents, & Incense
After one too many accusations that we are a bunch of baby Chris Black impersonators, we decided to lean in and invite the man himself for a lightning round of flattery questioning.
Hello Mr. Chris, with the LA heat and constant moving around in the sun, how do you stay smelling good?
I don't sweat unless I’m at the gym and I don’t have to worry about smelling bad since I’m showering three times a day at minimum also I’m SOBER. But if you are in need of a scent I would recommend CDG Stüssy Laguna Beach Scent so people think you are a real man who spent your morning at the beach instead of a gym where no buff men work out at.
What are the best hair products to make me look good while I pretend to work?
I’m an athlete and my hair was getting in the way of my progress so I decided buzz it off and not for any other reason (There has been no progression since getting rid of it). Listen big dog, real men don’t have hair on the top of their head but they do have beards, look at me. You should buzz all the way down to give your coworkers the impression that you are not to be the receiver of a passive-aggressive email.
I’m attending a wedding soon, what should I wear since I only own gym clothes?
Recently, I have been wearing a lot of Uniqlo since all my money is going towards expensive restaurants that aren’t good and bars of soap. I would recommend becoming a cool guy that does nothing, a consultant, so that Thom Browne gives you free clothes.
What’s your workout routine?
Big dog, you aren’t getting a body like this no matter the work out. Bang the CashApp and maybe we can talk if I see 4-zeros.
Most stylish water bottle?
I was sipping out of a [REDACTED] but I’ve reached another level of hydration. I’m chugging water on levels that no one can match and because of that I resorted to carrying around a Yeti 5 Gallon Water Cooler. It’s quite big and a hassle to bring around with me but hydration is not a joke so I will continue to lug it around as long as facialists continue complimenting my skin.
Best incense to make women think I have my life put together?
By asking this question, I know you aren’t making the big bucks and you won’t be able to cop like me, big dog. But I’m breaking the “Made in Japan” sticks by Astier de Villatte everyday. My partner sometimes busts out this sage/incense that must be fairly cheap since she’s bringing them in by the big packs. It smells good before you put the flame to it. Sometimes she even inhales it, not sure what crystal stores she has been visiting in Los Angeles. It might even be dipped in some essential oils or something because it relaxes you like crazy. I’ll have to ask her what brand it is next time, its green and looks like a smashed up dry flower so be on the lookout.
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