The Death of Brain Dead?
I woke up yesterday well rested. A rather successful JTTB summit meeting took place over the weekend and it sent me to bed content, finally. I awoke today filled with images of the homies crushing beers and watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air — all of which were stripped away from me when I chose to view @elpresidente’s IG story. The scene was classic; Pres slouched, a cocky smirk plastered on his face, bullshit pouring from his mouth as he rattled something mildly clever to his brain dead employees. Portnoy’s jacket looked eerily familiar and after remembering his recent trek to LA it clicked; his employees weren’t the only Brain Dead ones in the room, that jacket was too.
If you know anything about Brain Dead you know they aren’t even a brand, but a self-named collective of artists. Continually pumping out exceptional deliveries derived from concept and true artistic imagery they don’t just make clothes, they make pieces, and when they collab with heavyweights like The North Face and Prince Tennis, they cement their place in my personal pantheon of brands I’m currently fucking with. The Prince jacket was a pass for me but I guess not for Pres. Fresh off his trip to the LA TikTok creator mansion (gag) he apparently caught some game from the “in the know” LAers, if there are any to speak of. It’s a rare sight to see someone return from LA dressed BETTER but apparently Pres is surprising me in a lot of ways today.
Of influencers I want to see wearing my favorite brands, Dave Portnoy, head misogynist at Barstool Sports, has got to rank dead last. I mean the guy runs between copping Scotch & Soda jeans from JFK to spending $300 at Lululemon. I was content when he was just grooming girls vis-à-vis pizza-themed IG direct messages, but now he’s officially crossed the line with me. This event is nothing short of cataclysmic, the world seems to be coming down on top of itself and that last thing before it all goes black is really going to be the founder of Barstool wearing one of my favorite brands just because he recently visited LA? Seems like a slight to me personally. I mean it’s not like the brand is the state’s best-kept secret, maybe the only vestige of actual fashion on that side of the country, but now you’re telling me Dave Portnoy gets to be in on that, I mean is nothing sacred? And if you think I’m an asshole (you’re mostly right) just read what Brain Dead’s copywriter (hopefully me one day) penned for the official description;
“The mesmerizing, all-encompassing patterns and color-blocked panels convey the image of a holistic player - one who draws parallels between sport, design, and art. The Brain Dead x Prince player is a multifaceted individual who is not restricted by the rules and sets new standards for themselves and others.” - wearebraindead.com
On second glance, perhaps he is entitled to wear it after all. To his credit we could replace “Prince player” with his name and it would still kind of work.
A lot of the feelings towards Dave and his stepping-on-my-toes sartorial choices come from my own desire to be wearing Brain Dead. It’s not exactly jealousy rather a misplaced sense of entitlement, I’m sure the feeling is familiar for most people that covet a brand like so and hold a personal nemesis guilty for trespassing on their own IYKYK type style. Furthermore, my unhinged rage for his choice of jacket leads me to a lot of questions: How did Dave even get his grubby little paws on it? After brief research I found that the jacket was near him during his time to LA. Could old El Pres himself have crossed the sacred threshold of DSM LA? I can’t really picture him trudging through Grailed dot com but that’s not the only place he could have gone for it. There’s Feature, Prince themselves, TheRealReal, Bodega, Mercari, or Garmentory, whichever it is, I want someone to be held personally responsible for him having that jacket and I’m not out on considering the death penalty (electric chair specifically) for the guilty party.
I guess in a sense I’m simply channeling my inner Andy Bernard. Similar to the episode where he threatens to disrobe a potential client for wearing a Dartmouth polo, he feels his Cornell pride well up so much he vocalizes his hatred for his New Hampshire competitor. The analogy isn’t perfect but honestly I can’t think of another example and I already edited the scene into a meme so it’s what I am sticking to. And similar to Andy, once he’s done yelling he reveals that he’s “just kidding”, “Andy Bernard Cornell, Class of ‘95” he adds sheepishly. His almost-too-far joke isn’t that bad, just poorly delivered. But I can connect with the moment. Rage, blinding fury, as I see Pres wearing that jacket and similarly to Andy there’s a calming wave to replace the fleeing hatred. I know Andy’s not the best character to draw personal parallels to but hey you know what they say, if the Prince x Brain Dead Advantage Track Jacket fits, wear it. Even if you are David Portnoy.
