Sneakers That Don’t Suck

Sneakers suck. Sneaker culture has become so lame. It feels like it has barely evolved since late 2015 when you had hypebeasts posting pics of pinrolled selvedge denim over some Gel Lyte III’s. Not much has changed except the Ultraboost circle-jerking has been replaced by Air Max 95’s. However, the attraction of sneakers is undeniable; loafers just won’t cut it for tearing it up on a bike or running eight miles to fight a fascist or generally getting twisted. In respect of the undeniable utility of sneakers, the geniuses at JTTB have taken a break from wearing Doc Martens and beating up teenagers in Soho to provide you with a veritable encyclopedia of lit fucking sneakers that get the job done and look good without advertising for the latest Nike rapper (talking to you, La Flame).

Jack

Foot the Coacher F.A.S.T. Series Side-Lace
Did I make sure to include the longest possible name to make the shoe seem more pretentious? Yes. Really, imagine spending $400+ retail on a pair of New Balances because they have laces falling off the side. Let’s be real, though—these are incredible. Those who know me have already heard me gush over them on my previous blog, Scuffletown. These are the pinnacle of ‘if you know, you know’ headassery. These are the Volkswagen Phaeton of sneakers and the Takahiromiyashita ‘the Soloist’ versions have the W12 engine. The tongue on my shoes literally says “Certified Luscious.” Fuck with me.

Salomon x District Vision “Chadwick” Mountain Racer
Salomon is sick and models such as the XT-6 look amazing. However, with GQ articles and normcore saturation, the brand is frankly too popular for my pretensions. These babies right here, they’re me. The technical design matched with standard laces— something odd for Salomon— creates a versatile design that would look just as at home with classic ACG as it would with Acronym. I’m honestly surprised how few of these I’ve seen floating around on street style articles and new-wave influencers. Originally, I wrote this not actually owning a pair. But this has taken so long to publish that I went out and bought some. I would like to say this: they’re fantastic. Light, comfortable, robust, and they absolutely bang with shorts.

Nike x Comme des Garçons LunarEpic Flyknit
These don’t exist. I mean, you can tell by the picture that these do technically exist, but they only surfaced on the women’s runway in March of 2017. Eventually, there was a fairly limited Flyknit Racer version in white which frankly did not compare with the soothing gray of the LunarEpic. I have never seen a pair for sale. If I ever see a pair they will be a women’s size. Will I buy them and keep them on my mantle? Yeah, probably. Truly a grail.

Dylan

Nike x Acronym Presto Mid
Errolson Hugh is a genius. Honestly, the man is like King Midas, except everything he touches turns into a grail. This shoe is basically the Super Saiyan form of the Y-3 Qasa. The original colorways (White/Hot Lava-Volt-Black, Medium Olive/Dust-Black, and Black/Bamboo-Black) are perfect. While wearing these you will probably look like you’re desperately trying to make the front page of r/Streetwear, but sometimes we live long enough to see ourselves posting cringe.

New Balance x Concepts 999 “Kennedy”
Before I started caring about fashion, I was of the firm belief that you should only wear comfortable sneakers. I was mocked for years for wearing my “Dad Shoes,” aka gray New Balance 993s. In 2011, Boston-based Concepts collaborated with New Balance to release the New Balance x Concepts 999 “Kennedy.” To commemorate JFK’s love of sailing, the shoe was nautical themed complimented with cream-colored accents. This shoe perfectly encapsulates a “dad shoe” and I am waiting to see Teddy Santis try and top this masterpiece.

Adidas x Raf Simons Response Trail 1
For the most part, I wasn’t a fan of most Raf Simons collaborations. However, I want my shoes to be a reflection of my personality, and I had a HUGE Kingdom Hearts phase. These shoes are ridiculous looking, yes. However, if I’m paying over $200 for a pair of sneakers you better bet I want something that will have people asking me “what are those?” and only be partially joking. Catch me rocking these looking like I’m hanging around Traverse Town with Donald and Goofy.

Mary

Nike Blazer Mid/High

As someone that works in the sneaker industry, I have developed a complex which causes me to recoil at the thought of wearing:
a) a sneaker that I need to put any kind of planning into purchasing or
b) any sneaker that anyone else in my office will be wearing.
I don’t like Air Force 1s. They are so tiresome and the super white ones are an eyesore. For the day-to-day, I stick with the lower-profile blazer. Controversial, yes, but this is just part of my reputation as the Max Kellerman of the sneaker industry. Does this make me a more interesting person? Not nearly to the degree that I had hoped it would. What is does make me is the owner of a sneaker collection that includes burnt orange blazers I got on eBay for $15 (luv you bb) and patent leather bowling shoes from Etonic that are nearly impossible not to slip in. It also means I have a top 3 that is neither impressive nor valuable. What a tag line! 

New Balance x Paperboy Paris x Greenhouse 801

My body rejects designer sneakers or any odd retailer that decides to make a horrible reinterpretation of a shoe that was doing just fine on its own. They will not be found anywhere near my feet (pictures provided upon request). On the other hand, this is just a shoe that looks amazing in every color. The “Coffee Latte” colorway from this collab is by far the most wearable and seasonally versatile. Also not a 990! I am so brave. 

Nike Air Max Tailwind
(white upper only)

I don’t even know if this is in my top three. My brain is broken trying to remember every sneaker I’ve ever liked but this shoe is the baseline silhouette for many of the sneakers I’ve loved, so here you go. 

Jesse

New Balance x Aime Leon Dore 997

I should preface this by stating that I’m not a big sneakers guy. I have a select few I like, hunt down, buy, and then beat for a couple of years until the cycle repeats itself. These, however, are different. Releasing on the back of a torrid few months for sneaker collaborations, the then up-and-coming ALD launched the first of many collaborations with New Balance. New Balance is having something of a moment at present— and good on them for it— although I am hoping the 997’s remain untouched by hype. Everything about this shoe is top class— from the colour palette to the silhouette. And, unlike most sought-after collabs of recent years, the quality control is excellent. I won a raffle to buy these and was the only one at collection to not resell them, which makes them worthy of a spot on this list in itself.

Nike Airmax 97 ‘Silver Bullet’

I mean, just look at them. My Dad owned these back in the ‘90s. Apart from the fact that every hypebeast on the globe owned a pair of these in 2017, they have no negative qualities. Immense comfort, pairs with anything, still work as runners, and most importantly, have the Ezra Koenig cosign. I queued up for 5 hours to get these shoes, blissfully unaware that Nike would over-saturate the market with versions of this shoe in the months to come. However, 2017 is a long time ago, and thankfully the hypebeasts have moved on, taking mommy’s wallet to bigger and brighter things. I haven’t seen the OG colourway in nearly a year, which puts my mind at rest. I can finally wear them again. So can Dad.

Paraboot Michael

To me, the Paraboot Michael is everything I could want in a shoe. I don’t care if it’s not a sneaker, to me, it is a shoe for all occasions. Read more here.
Editors Note: Jesse is dishonest and a cheat and we at JTTB would like to disavow his actions.

Bart

New Balance 990v3 Todd Snyder

I do not wear sneakers. I don’t want to be the kind of person who wears sneakers. But I do like being seen as the kind of person who takes walks. In the morning I walk my dog; at lunch, I’ll walk and talk with a friend; after dinner, there’s nothing that feels more adult than going for a walk. New Balance is the undisputed god of comfort and with these guys on your feet, you’ll have adult looking sneakers with which to go solve the great problems of the world or at the very least leave your posting machine.

Nike DayBreak

Most Sneakers only look good when you’re wearing shorts. Keep trying to do the skinny jeans with Jordan 1’s all you want, but I’m right. The daybreaks are a rare exception. These slim silhouette low-top waffle-bottom kings will actually look good with a pair of jeans. I personally own the Undercover collaboration in black, which was criminally slept on. The next time I need a new pair of casual sneakers, I have my eye on some daybreaks in “Vegas Gold.”

Engineered Garments Van’s Checkerboard Slip Ons

I’m about this fashion shit, I really am. But I still don’t have the balls to carry around an old Celine bag. Mimicking the woven leather Philo made everyone lust for, I want to slip these on and feel Phoebe Philo chic. Oh, also, ya know, Engineered Garments is cool too.

Zen

Moonstar ALWEATHER

My favorite sneaker is a sneaker you’ve probably never heard of. The Moonstar ALWEATHER is a heavily vulcanized canvas high top sneaker proudly made in Kurume, Japan. I take a sick pleasure in owning a shoe that likely fewer than a dozen people in the US own. They’re like Chuck 70’s if Yuketen made Chuck 70’s: completely bulletproof and the sole looks like it was pulled out of a fever dream. They’re nearly rain boots in terms of weather protection. The huge chunky soles work well with wider leg pants. They’re turbo as hell and I love them. But don’t buy a pair - they’re only for me.

Cody

Saint Laurent Paris Wyatt Boot

Sneaker of the decade/century/millennium is yet again the SLP Wyatt in either wheat or black colorway. You want the hoes to think you’re Harry Styles? SLP Wyatts. Let’s be honest if you’re reading an article about sneakers chances are you don’t really care about “Fashion” and that’s dope, fashion is lame as fuck. Nothing says “I don’t care about how I am perceived, but actually, I do 100% care” more than an SLP Wyatt. 99% of people are just gonna say those are nice Chelsea boots and the 1% of people who shit on you for them never leave the @meme_saint_laurent comment section. 

The Wyatt in its natural habitat