Rend It
Before anything, I have two favors to ask — Firstly, that you not regard what I am about to say as any real reflection of who I am as a person or a fully formed foundation of my beliefs. Secondly, that you not think this blog giving me an allowance to speak is a reflection of the beliefs of anyone who has ever been involved with this project. My beliefs are my own. To disregard either of those simple requests would be a perfect validation of what I’m about to say but it would still make you a dickhead.
I’ve grown tired of America. I expect to love this country until my absolute last breath, but I have grown weary of seeing what it does to people. I regard this country in much the same way that I regard my parents though they’re at least willing to hear my differences of belief. I think the average American would rather see me die in a strange accident than listen to my beliefs. We allow people the freedom to own weapons of war and act surprised when we wake up to find war on our front porch. We arm police like soldiers but train them like children. We allow them to believe themselves righteous crusaders who regard the populace as the one true enemy. My city has protested for two months now and yet it feels the same now as it did the first day. I still sort Twitter by latest and see the same images of people gassed, beaten, whisked away in unmarked vans, and corralled in parking lots and alleys like livestock going to the slaughter. I find it so hard to understand how some people struggle so with the concept that maybe, just maybe, if enough people are saying there is a problem perhaps there is. This is America and I’ve been stupid enough to believe that, at the very least, in America, we owe it to people to listen.
Why have we allowed the perpetuation of a two-party state? For those in power, a two-party system is incredibly self-serving because it allows no nuance of thought. You’re either with us or against us. You don’t align totally with the party’s beliefs? You’re a nuisance, a nut-job, a terrorist. Do I think Kanye West is an especially realistic candidate? No. But, he does expose part of the problem. Vote Blue No Matter Who isn’t about beating Trump, it’s about continuing a belief in the absolutism of a right-wing boogeyman, a good vs. evil narrative that allows the perpetuation of a Democratic Party that believes in very little of note, but will continue to hold office because their hearts are in a better place than Republicans. I used to consider myself a Republican. Such an idea now seems preposterous, but it at least allowed me to recognize early on that the established left is a joke just as much as the mummified corpses we call conservatives, continuing to grasp tightly a fantasy-land idea of America.
I abhor violence. I hate seeing it. I hate that America is so stubborn in its status quo that violence is seemingly the only true articulation. It’s sad that the only reason I recognize Ted Kaczynski as having interesting beliefs is because he killed people. I mourn that people like Marvin Heemeyer were only recognized as troubled after knocking down buildings and painting walls with their blood. How many people must die before we realize we’ve spent our lives sitting in our graves?
The greatest deception in human history is all of us being complacent in the belief that the internet has ever mattered. We sit in our LED-lit caves and pretend it’s in any way normal to get angry over what people type, to believe that the content of someone’s character can be contained within the confines of 280 characters. We have allowed the internet to be such a constant that we no longer believe people are capable of evolution, that it’s normal to cancel people for things they said years ago as if empires haven’t fallen in shorter periods. We continue to expand the internet and assume there will be some endpoint at which it all makes sense, at which our lives will be perfectly in order. When will we realize we have spent far too long in worship of this golden calf that has since become a cage? I owe the internet so much in the people it has brought into my life but it will never be an adequate replacement for seeing them in person, hugging them, and kissing them.
I would like to dedicate this diatribe to everyone who has loved me, respected me, or even said hello. Lastly, I would like to thank everyone that reads this blog. Y’all some sexy motherfuckers for real.
