Ghislaine Style Review
As we woke up this morning after fitful firework-interrupted sleep (in my case, also the bridge howl and an incel bird), the news was, at last, new again:
Months into the COVID-19 pandemic and weeks into the most effective Civil Rights movement since the 1960’s is a strange time for the FBI to suddenly discover the most sought after woman in the world. Or is it? I’ll leave the conjecture to the professionals and keep my analysis where it matters: the looks.
First and foremost, Ghislaine Maxwell is accused of hideous crimes including procuring and raping children since at least the early 1990’s. That she was able to live a carefree socialite’s life for decades among the rich and royal is a testament to power’s willful self-preservation. While regulars get canceled for joking about such horrors, the elite keep movin’ and groovin’ (and sweating). Ghislaine’s capture may not result in a public, pellucid chronicle of abuses suffered by many, many victims at the hands of many, many notables, but, just a few minutes in court will hopefully reveal…
Ghislaine, watch out! The [REDACTED] is coming!
Oh my god she has Airpods in she can’t hear us oh my god.
ON TO THE FITS
Captain Nay-hab
Looking to make a statement? A Naval-chic outfit is a fun choice when your dad was murdered on the yacht he named after you, as Ghislaine did for this stroll though a hotel conference hall. Computer, enhance.
On closer inspection, this isn’t a seaman’s regalia at all! It seems to be some sort of Union Army western cosplay? The fringed epaulets are actually fanciful Navajo print ribbons, perhaps beadwork. They seem to have been added after, along with the crossed sabers of the cavalry on the collar. Very confusing, much like the woman herself. I can’t place the coat at all - too boxy for Gaultier or Balmain. Anyway, military style is passé, so if you must, here’s a much better de la Renta version you can get on sale right now.
The black shorts (?) and sheer nylons beneath are a dire mistake, but it was the 90’s or whatever. Obviously, the fit’s only redeeming factor is the adorable mini bag, which I was convinced was a Gucci bamboo until I found a higher-quality image.
The star is really throwing me off. I looked into Versace and Moschino, but I’ve come up with nothing. I did find dazzling Kieselstein Cord pieces with the same vibe, like this red crossbody and this brown alligator handle bag. Red bags are HOT right now, so lmk if you want me to do more digging while the SDNY does some digging of their own.
Paedo Spice
Most of us have seen a variation of this photo, which Russiagate replybots like to post in response to any mention of Jeff Epstein’s friendship with Bill Clinton. Yes, I know. We ALL know. As an unnamed model told Vanity Fair, “I remember Jeffrey once saying he was going to be late to pick me up because he had to drop off food for Donald—he was at home crying under the covers.”
SAD!
Well, guess what? New York City socialites of all neoliberal political stripes hang out and do freaky things together. They even have a TV show about it! Send them to the Hague for all I care - Trump, Clinton, and especially Dorinda. Ramona Singer told me I was pretty once, so she’s cool with me.
Speaking of middle-aged women dressing inappropriately, we have the above outfit, which I’m hard pressed to find a full photo of. Pretty much every Instagram brand made dreck like this in 2017, as seen on EmRata and others, so you get the idea.
Ms. Maxwell’s crop top set seems to be custom Limited Too for adults. Limited Too is a brand for trendy tween girls started by L Brands founder Les Wexner, who… you know what? Nevermind.
I always assumed Madam Maxwell’s two-piece beaded halter top atrocity was silk dupioni (90’s vibes), but it honestly could be a lightweight denim. DENIM! What kind of event is this?? The Hamptons Hoedown??
Now I need to see the shoes. Help me find the shoes.
Dragon Lady
Based on the bamboo adornments and Kimono coat of the woman behind her, it’s obvious that Ghislaine is at the 2003 launch of Cartier’s Le Baiser du Dragon fragrance at the Cartier Mansion in NYC. Thank goodness Ghislaine was at an event celebrating a fragrance at “the crossroads of China and Eastern Influences.” Otherwise, her cheongsam, also known as a qipao, would have been wildly inappropriate and we would have to cancel her.
Anyway, I sort of like the sleek clutch and her hair pushed back like that, but those sandals are way too RHOC. I can’t clock the make and model: Manolo made a similar pair that’s even more lurid. I much prefer the updated Jimmy Choo take on an embellished slide. I’m definitely going to have to order a sample of Le Baiser du Dragon (which means Dragon’s Kiss, you pleb). I love that it was created “for women who come from afar, filled with dreams and mysteries.”
Hmmmmm… That’s a fitting description for a socialite who moved from London to NYC in 1991 after her father’s sudden death and worked her way up in the international social scene with funds provided by a shady financier. Just a coincidence, I’m sure. Hahahahahhahahaha. Fun fact: the same architect worked on both the Cartier Mansion and 9 East 71st Street. Nothing is real. Oh, look who’s here!
Lean, Mean, and Green
Ghislaine, with all undeserved respect, so much of this Royal Ascot fit is a hot mess. It’s ill-fitting, the hat is wack, and the clutch is a poor choice for a day event. I do like the color, though- very Palm Beach. You would think someone who’s BFFs with iconic style monster Naomi Campbell would get to borrow a stylist once and a while. They share a sense of humor, that’s for sure.
Purportedly a horse race, the Royal Ascot is an English institution of see-and-be-seen in the audience of the Queen. So, getting a fit off while retaining decorum is the goal. First of all, the arbiter of classic English taste, Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced bouquet, dear), would certainly reject this schlubby coat and dress for tea with the vicar.
Secondly, Ascot is all about the ridiculous hats! As the saying goes, the more feathers balanced on your silly little head, the faster the horses run. And, if you can’t find a whole bird to pluck, you can make up for it with size or style. Ghislaine is giving us NOTHING with this “borrowing mom’s gardening hat to go chase the deer away from the rosemary” look. Perhaps she forgot to bring a hat and had to grab one at Tesco? Classic mistake. There’s only one rule to style: You can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes.
In conclusion
It’s a real surprise Ghislaine Maxwell - friend of billionaires, fashion titans, and models - didn’t spend more effort honing her style for the last 30-odd years. However, I can understand that building and participating in a “molestation pyramid scheme” is quite laborious and doesn’t leave time to perfectly architect every look. I’m sure this is one of her many regrets: considering the charges she’s up against, Madame M might be in an orange jumpsuit for some time. But, with nothing but a rapidly-changing political situation keeping the socio-lite behind bars, she might have another opportunity to flex her fits yet. It’s 2020, baby, anything could happen!